I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
