There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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