am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Randomize
