Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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