I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
