Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
