I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She bit a glass in half.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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