I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Four minutes until I can fart!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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