I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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