On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
