I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
