I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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