I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
