omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
