There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The feeling are messing with the penis
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
