He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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