I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
