I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
