guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
