It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
