If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
