But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
