I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
