Plan B is the new Plan A
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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