please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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