If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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