ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
