I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
