hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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