I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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