Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
