babies were throwing up all over the place
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
