dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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