I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
