we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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