I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
