mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I didn't notice because vodka
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
