4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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