Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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