Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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