So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
