No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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