Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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