i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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