Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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