Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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