So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My penis needs a shock collar
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
