aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
