they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
