so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
